Memorial Day (United States)

We have been programmed to be what we’re not.  

John Randolph 

Memorial Day (United States) 

To know love we have to tell the truth to ourselves and to others. Creating a false self to mask fears and insecurities has become so common that many of us forget who we are and what we feel underneath the pretense. Breaking through this denial is always the first step in uncovering our longing to be honest and clear.   
—bell hooks, All About Love 

Richard Rohr describes the temptation to hide and deny what we’ve been taught is unacceptable within us:  

https://cac.org/

We identify with our persona/mask so strongly when we’re young that we become masters of denial and learn to eliminate or hide anything that doesn’t support it. Neither our persona nor our shadow is evil in itself; they just allow us to do evil without recognizing it. Our shadow self makes us all into hypocrites on some level. Hypocrite is a Greek word that simply means “actor,” someone playing a role rather than being “real.” We’re all in one kind of closet or another and are even encouraged by society to play such roles. Usually everybody else can see our shadow, so it’s crucial that we learn what everybody else knows about us—except us!  

Holy or whole individuals, the ones we call “saints,” are precisely the ones who have no “I” to protect or project. Their “I” is in conscious union with the “I AM” of God, and that is more than enough. Divine union overrides any need for self-hatred or self-adoration. Love holds us tightly and safely and always. Such people have met the enemy and know that the major enemy is “me” (to borrow from the comic strip character Pogo). But they do not hate the “me” either; they just see through and beyond the little “me.”  

The closer we get to the light, the more of our shadow we see. Thus, truly holy people are always humble people. Christians would have been done a great service if the shadow had been distinguished from sin. Sin and shadow are not the same! We were so encouraged to avoid sin that many of us avoided facing our shadow, and then we ended up “sinning” even worse—while unaware besides! As Paul taught, “The angels of darkness must disguise themselves as angels of light” (2 Corinthians 11:14). The persona cannot bear to see evil in itself, so it always disguises it as good. The shadow self invariably presents itself as something like prudence, common sense, and justice. It says, “I’m doing this for your good,” when it actually manifests fear, control, manipulation, or even vengeance. Isn’t it fascinating that the name Lucifer literally means “light bearer”? The evil one always makes darkness look like light—and makes light look like darkness.  

The gift of shadowboxing is in recognizing the shadow and its games, which takes away most of the shadow’s hidden power. No wonder that Teresa of Ávila said that the mansion of true self-knowledge was the necessary first mansion on the spiritual journey. Socrates said the same thing, “Know yourself!”  

Reference:  
Adapted from Richard Rohr, Falling Upward: A Spirituality for the Two Halves of Life, rev. ed. (Jossey-Bass, 2024), 83–84, 85. 

Image credit and inspiration: Flavie Martin, untitled (detail), 2022, photo, Unsplash. Click here to enlarge image. With cautious breath and glimmers of light, we step into the shadow—drawn by the gifts it holds—seeking the clarity and courage to name what hides.